Brutal Mentality

Last time I was brutaly honest about my situation in life, that I am in fact fat. As far as I am concerned it is not a hinder or an obsitcle to be fat as long as you want to be, but if you cross the line and realize; Crap, I dont wanna be a fat person all my life, then it is a living hell, a form of eternal torture. I believe with all my heart that the fatness is not just outside it is inside too. I know from personal everyday experience that I dont have enough motivation at times to shake the inner mental picture of me being fat, so as a result of that I stay that way. Does that make sense?

We all go through days when we feel like we are on top of the world, anything can happen, we are the best of the best and that is just fact. But then we all go through days when everything is horrible and not so good as we thought it was, call it w wake-up call if you like. I had one yesterday. My whole internal world collapsed and I realize I wont be my true self unless I drop my fat suit and continue with my life free. Of course, I've had that thought before, I have lost weight before, but, this time the realization just hit me like a cold glass of whater in the face, I NEED to change my mental image of myself or I will never loose weight. I want to be a normal person, with a normal size of clothes and a great exterior as well as interior. In my last blog I wrote that I feel like a really hot athletic person inside, and I do, but my mental image of myself does not correspond with the feeling I have of myself. I figure that is one of my major problems. I need to get my inner image of myself to correspond with the feeling of me. Because right now the two are very different.

So, I have come to a conclusion. I can not let yet another opportunity pass me by and just ignore it, no, I need to face it. Im going to start working on my inner image, be brutal in my aproach to my mentality of loosing weight and I will succeed with it!

Do join me in my search for a better and heathier life and lifestyle! I am greatful for the comments from the last blog and Im looking forward to reading more as we travel trhough life together!

Nathalie

Brutal honesty

I have decided to be brutally honest with myself in this blog. No fuzzy stuff or honey talk to make reality a less horrible place to be. I am fat. That is the brutal truth. Do I want to be fat? No. Am I? Yes. I'm creating this blog because I want to end all the negative thoughts circulating about fat people. At the same time I want to loose weight, do help me! Readers, if you want to loose weight, join me. If you want to jump into the head and heart of a fat person, dont judge me.

I am 22 years old, smart, talented and really funny at times, brutal honesty, remember! I have a bright future and a really strong desire to succeed in life and love. Why is it that I cant loose weight for a long period of time? I have stopped telling people in my life that I whish to loose weight because both they and I know I wont do it. Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. Inside I feel like a thin, well trained and increadebly gorgeous person and when I look in the mirror reality hits me like a slap in the face or a punch in the gut. What am I afraid of when it comes to loosing weight? Everything logical in me screams at me to stop eating and just do it, just loose the weight and get it over with. That is how I handle all the other situations in my life. I wouldnt be successful at what I do otherwise. At the same time the outside judgement that is passed on is that I allow every area of my life to be ruled by my fatness, that is a lie. I have a great life a part from the pounds I have to loose. I meen wouldnt it be worse if I had this huge horrible life, like so many other (skinny) people in this world? Sometimes I wonder.
For me to feel like a failiore is something horrible and not acceptable. I feel like one everyday I look in the mirror, I hate it. I dont hate myself, I hate it, the image of what is not really me, the me I feel inside. So, I have come to the conclusion that I HAVE to loose weight before I loose my mind. Im not going to join Weightwatchers or some other "waterproof" method of weight loss. I am going to do it myself with the help of myself and my decision. I can do this, I know I can.
So, join me in the journey of self realization and pound by pound sheading and we will have a great journey toghter. I want to come out of this fat suit that I am trapped in, a better person with a better life!

Thanks for reading and I hope you will join me!
Nathalie