Brutal honesty

I have decided to be brutally honest with myself in this blog. No fuzzy stuff or honey talk to make reality a less horrible place to be. I am fat. That is the brutal truth. Do I want to be fat? No. Am I? Yes. I'm creating this blog because I want to end all the negative thoughts circulating about fat people. At the same time I want to loose weight, do help me! Readers, if you want to loose weight, join me. If you want to jump into the head and heart of a fat person, dont judge me.

I am 22 years old, smart, talented and really funny at times, brutal honesty, remember! I have a bright future and a really strong desire to succeed in life and love. Why is it that I cant loose weight for a long period of time? I have stopped telling people in my life that I whish to loose weight because both they and I know I wont do it. Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. Inside I feel like a thin, well trained and increadebly gorgeous person and when I look in the mirror reality hits me like a slap in the face or a punch in the gut. What am I afraid of when it comes to loosing weight? Everything logical in me screams at me to stop eating and just do it, just loose the weight and get it over with. That is how I handle all the other situations in my life. I wouldnt be successful at what I do otherwise. At the same time the outside judgement that is passed on is that I allow every area of my life to be ruled by my fatness, that is a lie. I have a great life a part from the pounds I have to loose. I meen wouldnt it be worse if I had this huge horrible life, like so many other (skinny) people in this world? Sometimes I wonder.
For me to feel like a failiore is something horrible and not acceptable. I feel like one everyday I look in the mirror, I hate it. I dont hate myself, I hate it, the image of what is not really me, the me I feel inside. So, I have come to the conclusion that I HAVE to loose weight before I loose my mind. Im not going to join Weightwatchers or some other "waterproof" method of weight loss. I am going to do it myself with the help of myself and my decision. I can do this, I know I can.
So, join me in the journey of self realization and pound by pound sheading and we will have a great journey toghter. I want to come out of this fat suit that I am trapped in, a better person with a better life!

Thanks for reading and I hope you will join me!
Nathalie